Sample Chapter + Obituary Template
Read Chapter 1 plus the obituary template Adair wrote for her mother.
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A new book by Adair L. Gellman
When my mom died,
no one told me what
to do next.
When my husband died five years later, I was ready.
This book is everything I learned in between.
Do the work before you need it.
Why I wrote this
My mom, Corinne, died in August 2019. I was her Successor Trustee. I'd never done that before. I figured it out by treating it like any other complicated project: I made a list, I worked the list, I crossed things off. My family told me they were amazed at how fast it went. That's when I realized most people don't have any idea where to start.
My husband Vin and I had been together 32 years when he died in January 2024. After my mom, we put a plan in place for ourselves. Bank accounts in both names. Passwords written down. Wills updated and findable — at least, that was the idea. When his last day came I still couldn't find them, until the morning of the day before. I brought them to the hospital, opened the will in front of him, and told him everything was there. He died the next morning. I don't think those two things were unrelated.
The book is both stories. What I learned the hard way, and what I built so it didn't have to be hard the second time.
Read the full story →Early praise
What advance readers are saying
Honoring Their Wishes changed my mindset in a way I didn't expect. I didn't think the topic would feel relevant to where I was in my life — it seemed like something meant for “later.” But the sincerity of the writing made it personal and real, not distant. This book challenged me to rethink my approach to conversations I had been putting off. It encouraged me to open up discussions not only with my parents, but also with my siblings.
Kathy Chance
Quality Assurance Analyst, Document Storage Systems
Helping our aging population is ever present, and Adair's personal stories and knowledge are a helpful blueprint to anyone taking care of a loved one. When we worked with her family, Adair was open and brave about discussing solutions to extremely emotional topics. Her breakdown of steps and the necessary vocabulary keep the goal of personal dignity and aging in place — one checklist, one step, one breath at a time.
Alysha Jackson
Premiere Custom Care
Honoring Their Wishes is a wonderful tool to help navigate grief and the funeral process itself. As a funeral director I've seen firsthand how stressful the end-of-life process can be. Having a book like this to help families navigate all areas of end of life is a gift. It is a very thoughtful book.
Avery Stingley
Signature Funerals
Honoring Their Wishes is a necessary and hugely helpful book for any of us who has others who may leave this earth before we do, and whom we honored in life and after their passing. Adair Gellman gives us the tools we may need to have difficult conversations while we can, which helps everyone make the right decisions. I really wish I'd seen it before I lost both my parents years ago.
Susan Rooks
The Grammar Goddess
Where are you in this?
Three doors into the work.
Free companions to the book
Practical. Printable. Yours.
Email required
When Someone Dies: The First 14 Days
A printable, day-by-day checklist for the first two weeks after a loss.
Get the checklist →Email required
A 12-Question Self-Audit
Twelve questions to know exactly what's already in place and what isn't.
Take the audit →It is much, much easier to do this work now than to leave it for the person you love most.
— Adair
What's Inside
- 1
When Things Started Going Wrong
The year leading up to Mom's death — the first calls from Dad, the home-care research, what does and doesn't work when help isn't received well.
- 2
The Call
The day after Mom passed. What happened, what I did, what I learned to do.
- 3
The Basics: The Funeral and Some Legal Knowledge You Need
Funeral options, real costs, wills, trusts, probate, executors, intestacy, debt — explained without jargon.
- 4
Get Organized, Stay Organized
The system that made everything else possible. Folders, spreadsheets, the notebook in your bag.
- 5
Taking Care of Business
Emptying the house, working with tenants, finding the right real-estate agent, communicating with beneficiaries.
- 6
How One Can Prepare for the Future
What Vin and I did to make probate easy after he died — and what I'd add to that list now.
- 7
What About Those Checklists?
The actual checklist I used the week Mom died, and how it grew and shrank day by day.
- 8
My Fur Kids
Max, Hannah, Bunny, and Jack — and why an older adopted animal might be the right companion for someone grieving.
- 9
My Soul Mate
32 years with Vin. The year and a half of caregiving. The day everything changed. The donations that gave his things a second life.
- 10
Top Things to Remember
The hard-won shortcuts.
- 11
Final Thoughts
What I'd tell you if we were sitting across a kitchen table.
Plus two appendices: Adair's “To Do After” preparation list, and the blank checklists you can copy into your own notebook.
In memory of my husband
A portion of every sale supports the work he loved most.
Veterans and animal rescue — the two communities Vin Bartone quietly poured himself into his whole life. Now the endowment in his name keeps that going.
Read about the endowment →Read before you buy
Chapter 1 + the obituary template.
The first chapter is the story of how things started going wrong. Paired with the actual obituary Adair wrote for her mother as a template you can adapt.
Read the sample →