About the author
Adair L. Gellman
Programmer. Bridge player. The one who figured out what to do next — twice.
My personal email starts with “mousey.” Vin's nickname for me. In the acknowledgments of the book I wrote, “to my husband, Vin Bartone, the frog to my mouse.” When I started a publishing imprint to put this book out, I called it Frog & Mouse Entertainment. The little drawing on the back cover — the frog and the mouse holding a heart — that's us.
My mom
Corinne died on August 9, 2019.
I was her Successor Trustee. I'd never done that before. I figured it out by treating it like any other complicated project: I made a list, I worked the list, I crossed things off. My brother Matt flew in to help and we finished each other's sentences for a week. My mom's neighbor Kelly kept showing up at the door with food we didn't know we needed.
By the end of week one we'd done more than I thought possible. That's when I realized most people don't have any idea where to start. So I started writing this book on a Sunday afternoon while watching the Nationals win the World Series.
My husband
Vin died on January 18, 2024.
We had been together 32 years. He was 17 years older than me, which never mattered to either of us. After my mom died, we put a plan in place for ourselves. Bank accounts in both names. Passwords written down. Wills updated and findable — at least, that was the idea.
When his last day came I still couldn't find them. He'd put them in envelopes, not a folder. I finally found them in his closet the morning of January 17. I brought them to the hospital, opened the will in front of him, and told him everything was there. He died the next morning. I don't think those two things were unrelated.
Vin loved hockey, rugby, music, and cats — in roughly that order most days. We adopted 14 cats over our 32 years, the last five of them seniors because we knew older cats are the hardest to place. Bunny is 15 now and Jack is 11. They live with me in Northern Virginia.
What this book is
Everything I wish someone had handed me both times.
It's a hybrid — partly memoir, partly the actual checklists I used (and refined), partly a guide to the questions and paperwork no one really tells you about until you're already in the middle of it. It is not legal advice. I have no legal background. I'm a programmer who's been through this twice, and what I learned is that organization beats expertise, and that doing the work before you need it is the kindest thing you can do for the people who love you.
A few facts about me
For the people who like the dossier.
- Computer programmer for over 35 years, mostly contracting with VA Medical Centers.
- Bachelor's in Economics from the University of Maryland.
- Youngest Female Life Master in the American Contract Bridge League — age 14½, with my mom as my partner.
- Live in Northern Virginia with Bunny and Jack.
- Have been the Successor Trustee or Executor four times: my mom, my husband, and two friends who became my second family.
Where to go next.